Memories hurt.
Sheesh. You ever remember something so pivotal to your life, and it just makes you, like, shut down and think? It doesn’t necessarily have to be anything bad or something you regret, it can be one of the happiest moments you’ve experienced and for some reason it makes you go through this rabbit hole of “damn… how things could be different…”
That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing either! It can be an eye-opener for change, a reminder of what must be done, or an example not to follow. Those actions you took are the reason why you even feel the need to evaluate in the first place, and I can’t lie when I say there isn’t some form of sentiment when I look back and reflect on those memories. The funniest part is that these memories can be incredibly random and irrelevant to what you’re currently doing or what it even made you reflect on, but the impact is enough to shake you to your core.
When I was first gifted the red Nintendo DS Lite with a copy of Pokemon Diamond, I was legitimately ecstatic. I was around 10 years old and massively influenced by the people I would spend my time with, being the last to own a copy of Diamond and always feeling left out that I didn’t own a DS. It was evening time during the middle of the week when I was gifted the console, eyes confused as I looked outside for a package signaled by the doorbell ring with my mother’s name on it. She told me to open it, and I did; amazed mostly by the fact that I would not be left out from all my friends who already had a copy of the game. Then, when I thought that night couldn’t get any better, I was surprised with a trip to CiCi’s pizza, and I remember playing my brand new DS and Pokemon Diamond up until it was time to eat, starting where I had left off when it was time to leave.
It was an incredibly happy time, and when I remember it I usually feel this warm blanket of gratitude over my shoulders. There is an opposite to it though, I think about the hard work it took my parents to be able to afford that console, the amount of effort it must’ve taken to convince themselves that I deserved that gift, and how they must’ve felt when they saw me open it. This led me to think about how at times I had spoken and closed myself off to my parents growing up as a teenager who was negatively influenced by his relationships. They didn’t deserve the negativity and ignorance of their son who was essentially controlled by his partner; yet for some reason, I found no gratitude in all they had done for me. I am ashamed.
Now, grown older and with much more time to think, I can do nothing but say I’m sorry to my parents. Sorry for not showing appreciation for that moment throughout my adolescence, sorry for being ignorant in my decisions, and sorry for not understanding the effects that moment would have on you. Have I told them this? No, and I probably won’t. But I know how I feel, and if they read this then, hey, I don’t need to anymore.
Yeah, memories are odd.
Thanks,
Alex.
Isn’t this water bottle cool as shit? Whenever I get the chance to drink from this bottle I always take it, from work to the gym to at home; it remains my numero uno. I’ve only had Pocari Sweat maybe about 4 times in my life!
