Making Time to Not Lose It.
I’ve spoken on the show how I feel like I’m kind of this “prisoner to time”, where I feel like I want to do so much on a daily basis but have to constantly compromise my desires to fit within the 4 hours I have free on a work-day (or even on my off-days where I somehow always have an obligation to fulfill). Time can be such a fickle thing, it’s almost unfair how little control you have of it.
But I’m not writing about that today. I’ve spoken about that topic enough, so-much-so it gives me a headache just thinking about it. Today I want to talk about how much control you DO have under the hard iron fist of time. How that control can ultimately turn into freedom if you look at it the right way, taking action towards your own life rather than submitting to the confines that your life is filled within.
I feel like (and did feel today) an appreciation of your daily accomplishments is the key to feeling good about exactly what you did that day. It sounds too cheesy to say, but when I understand and embrace the decision to do project A over B, or choose another hour of sleep over feeling productive, my mood goes from, “ugh I had no choice” to, “This is okay. I needed this.” There’s almost this second person confirming my choice, telling me that it’s okay to have made this decision and that I should be enjoying the moment rather than let the cicadas of self doubt take over. I have trouble doing that, enjoying the moments I decide and use the space to think about how I can fit it all in one day.
I’ve been particularly enjoying the walks I take my Shiba Luffy on, especially when the weather is a bit colder/ windy and he has his little GAP hoodie on. On our walks, especially the longer ones that last an hour, I put my phone away and take in everything around me; the sound of air chill, the sight of clouds rolling overhead, Luffy’s sniffing at the grass or bushes. I wholeheartedly enjoy our time regardless of the prior debate if I can even AFFORD the time to take Luffy on an hour walk because I CHOSE to. I CHOSE to be here in a moment of solitude, I CHOSE to use my limited time on this walk, and I DID NOT CHOOSE to fill the silence of the moment with distractions that make the event go by quicker.
There are so many choices you can make in a limited space, so much freedom you have when you realize you’re free to make those choices. It almost plays on absurdism and Camus’ essay on the Myth of Sisyphus, where life is meaningless and instead derives meaning based on the enjoyment you place on it. Sometimes I enjoy the fact that I have such limited time because it shows how much freedom I actually have. An act of rebellion, what is freedom if there are no iron fists?
Anyways, that’s my two seconds on time (I tried to make a play on two cents but that didn’t work…)
Thanks,
Alex.
Against my better (or lesser?) judgment, I took my Shiba Luffy to the park. I had other plans before I left for work today, practicing piano, getting enough time at the gym, practicing latte art. But this felt important, I felt bad that he was at home doing nothing when he could be playing with all his friends. So, here I am. :)
