Being straightforward

Let’s be honest, being honest is not an easy thing to do. There’s this big vocal push to not hide anything and just be honest with the things that unnerve you; whether it be something someone said, the actions of some of your closest friends, or the desire to take a step forward towards your future.

One of the big reasons why I dislike influencers online who talk about honesty is because most of the time they end it with this big call to action, a big, “you go, girl!” to stirr up whatever dormant inspiration you have. It’s never as easy as just telling yourself to be honest, toughen up, face your fears, and say what you need to say. There’s so much careful consideration and nonstop overthinking that goes behind the scenes, and no amount of external pressure can just make you go “you know what? It IS time!” There’s a disconnect between what you feel you have to do and what you know needs to be done, and nobody on the internet is going to understand let alone know the weight of your options.

I’m guilty of being indecisive (or maybe the right word is sporadic) in important choices that I know will have an impact on my future. Literally I can feel one way for the entire week, then after 5 minutes of careful consideration I flip the switch 180 and take a different approach. But it’s kind of funny how that 180 switch always leads me to being honest about my feelings rather than the alternative of being silently petty, for example. It’s almost as if I KNOW the “right” thing to do and actively choose to avoid it until I can’t look further, kind of like a way to test my limits. Now that I’m writing this, I’m pretty sure I’ve caught myself thinking that exact thing; “testing my limits".

I’m getting better at being honest, there used to be a time when I would just let things go and avoid the conflict for sake of just not dealing with it. That was when I was at my lowest and didn’t want to be inconvenienced by anything other than my problems at the time, and maaaaan was I TIRED all the time. Physically exhausted, I mean. Now that I’m grown a bit and understand myself a bit more too, it feels almost as if this new honesty is a rebellious side I’m creating (as lame as that sounds), and I’m all the more happy for it. I don’t just let things go anymore, I fight for what I want and let it be known what I’m fighting for. It’s okay if things fall apart, that’s all part of the fight.

He’s a rebel woaaaaaah he doesn’t let negative possibilities get in his way woaaaaaahh

Thanks,

Alex.

Drinks, deep talks, and tiki music are the vibe after a 12-hr shift. I forgot what my drink was called but damn it knocked me on my ass, I slept for a solid 8 hours that day, more than the usual 4-5 I get. Am I convincing myself that the key to sleep is a drink before bed? nooo…